Some days I feel so alone. And it seems like my BF never really understands where I'm coming from. I'm sure its the hormones but I just feel like i'm doing this whole thing by myself. I have one of my closest friends coming to dr's appt's and ultrasounds w/me and all I can do is send him pictures and say "wish you could've been there." I'm so over that.
Going through a pregnancy basically alone sucks ass. My mom and friends are around but its not the same as having him here. And that's the sucky part, he'll never be only. Only in January for a quick visit and then in april for the birth. So...all of these changes i'm going through, all these emotions i'm dealing with, I'm doing alone. As usual. Sometimes I think i'd be better off just saying "dont worry about it" and going it alone so I wouldnt have outside sh*t to worry about. But I could never do that. I ♥ him and he already ♥ the baby.
I'm sitting here watching Wall-E and crying! Such a loser. But he just seems so happy to be around Eva and it makes me jealous. When she was shut down, he took care of her, he loves Eva.
It's just I was always a little insecure w/our relationship due to stupid sh*t and after a series of Lemony Snickett's style events, i'm even more so now. And when he doesnt answer his phone, texts, etc...that doesnt ever help the situation. Sometimes I just wanna climb into a hole and stay there. But if I continue to worry about him and what he's doing, I will drive myself crazy like i've been doing the past year and a half. And its gotten me on a road nowhere fast.
I cant wait for my little baby to get here. Then i'll have someone that will love me unconditionally forever just because he's supposed to. I know he'll never leave me, cheat on me or do me wrong. I will love him like i've never loved anybody or anything before. I love him already lol..when I see his little movements in my belly I get so excited because I know in 3.5 months, he will be here and I can love on him all I want and he'll never tell me its too much.
♥ ♥ ♥
2 comments:
Ok, so I am supposed to be getting dressed for my damn hair appt, but instead I am here....crying over your blog like I am the one who is preggers. I might need to pee on a stick. This is outta control. lol
im reading and crying too. im not pregnant tho...i just feel badly for you. ive never been pregnant but i know exactly how you feel. the constant wondering and worrying... and ignoring of "red flags" all because you love someone. it leaves you feeling inadequate and crazy...because u just want them to love you and act right. and thats never too much to ask...i feel compassion for you. i hope everything works out.
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